


old wounds

by raikkonen (armario)



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Blood and Injury, M/M, Pining, Trauma, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:34:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22099552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armario/pseuds/raikkonen
Summary: It takes no time at all for a vampire to give in to his instinct.It takes precious minutes for a human to bleed to death from a cut jugular vein.It takes an age for medical attention to arrive, and mere seconds to flee the scene.The guilt will last forever.
Relationships: Kimi Räikkönen/Sebastian Vettel
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	old wounds

**Author's Note:**

> this is dedicated to my mum, who handed down her passion for YA vampire novels to me.
> 
> just kidding, she'd be horrified to discover i write fanfiction about f1 drivers.
> 
> i'm very excited to share with you my very own take on vampires- no sparkles, no mind control or turning into bats. a psychological condition borne of a very specific trauma.

_**Sitim sanguis (Vampirism): a study of sanguine and maledictive vampires-** _ _**Vitturelli et al. (2019)** _

_**Traits shared by either kind of vampire:** _

_A desperate thirst for blood in the form of intense psychological anxiety. This anxiety is so severe that without the blood, the vampire will die of stress-induced cardiac arrest, stroke, or similar._

_The ability to sense or recognise other vampires._

_There is no difference between the actual chemical makeup of the blood of either kind of vampire, or between vampires and humans. Researchers (few as they are) conclude that vampirism is a psychological condition with extreme physical symptoms._

_An important aspect of vampiric biology is that their teeth are the same as humans. Contrary to popular belief, vampires do not have sharper or elongated canines, and they cannot retract 'fangs'; when a vampire bites, it is one of the most brutal, painful experiences due to the bluntness of their human-like teeth._

_Sunlight does not physically harm vampires, but prolonged direct exposure to it in a day causes exhaustion and irritability._

**December, 2009**

It takes no time at all for a vampire to give in to his instinct.

It takes precious minutes for a human to bleed to death from a cut jugular vein. 

It takes an age for medical attention to arrive, and mere seconds to flee the scene. 

Seb doesn't know what happened. He hits the floor, but the impact barely registers. He isn't breathing properly, his mouth opened in a silent scream, one hand clutching his neck, where blood spills freely between his fingers. 

There is no pain like it. In his foggy state of half-consciousness, he hasn't rationalised the experience yet. He gasps for air. The blood pulses thickly out of the ragged wound, his eyes blurred with tears. When there are sirens in the distance, he dares to hope he isn't going to die. 

Gentle hands lift him, and bright blue light fills his vision. Hands press at his neck and voices ask questions he can't follow, in a language he doesn't have the strength to translate. As he's carefully carried to the ambulance, a sudden realisation dawns on him, accompanied by a bolt of fear paralysing his heart.

Teeth. There was hot breath against his neck, followed by the brutal tearing of teeth into flesh. He thrashed and flailed in his attacker's merciless grip, to no avail. Strong hands had pinned his arms behind his back, and a mouth pressed to the open gash in his neck. He felt his attacker's tongue lapping hungrily at the sluggish flow of blood, strangely soothing to the burning pain that made him scream in raw agony.

He slips into unconsciousness.

The days coloured with pain blur together with the glaring white hospital walls. It's hard to swallow, and every movement of his neck results in a searing spasm of intolerable hurt. He cries a lot. His family comes to see him, and their faces fall when he flinches away from their touch. 

He hears them talking when they think he is sleeping. The doctors say his injury is healing well, but it will leave an ugly, conspicuous scar. His mind, however, is not. He's closed himself off. He's riddled with fear and unable to stop reliving the vicious attack, the steps leading up to it, the aftermath.

Some of his fellow drivers send cards, and Mark even comes to visit for a few minutes. He's touched, and it's the one thing that brings him out of the post-trauma daze. He has to get better, because he has to race. He's lucky it's the dead of winter in the off-season, so he has time to recover. 

His neck is stiff, and he's constantly running his fingers over the thick ridge of scarring. Physical therapy eases the strain, and his body feels stronger every day. 

He can't shake the constant feeling of terror that accompanies his every waking moment, and wakes him up into shaking, sweat-soaked nightmares almost nightly. The phantom feeling of blunt teeth ripping his skin apart, and the contradictory, gentle press of lips against his neck, almost loving. 

They are still looking for his attacker. A month, and still no sign.

 _Why me? Why did he choose_ me? _I've done nothing wrong..._ he goes round and round in circles, trying to explain such seemingly random and savage violence.

Seb hasn't gone outside alone. It seems like he'll never return to Formula 1 while he can't even stand the feeling of a hand on his shoulder, and jumps at the sound of a doorbell ringing. How will his team manhandle him to become part of the car, if he cringes away from the softest touch?

Just as he starts to think that things couldn't possibly get worse, the craving begins. It's an insidious feeling of need, that builds and builds with each passing day. The hunger claws at the back of his throat, but no matter how much he eats or how much he drinks, it never goes away.

He doesn't understand. He's miserable, and he's desperate for something he can't identify. As the days pass, his strength wanes. The physical progress he's made is all for nothing. By February, he's lying permanently in bed, freezing cold despite layers and layers of blankets. His room is pitch dark, because the slightest light gives him a raging migraine. He can't even use the simulator any more. His family is distraught; his doctors are at a total loss over his condition. 

He describes the intense feeling of craving, but they still don't know how to help him. They try everything, every medicine under the sun, and nothing works. They call in specialists, who scratch their heads and admit they've never seen anything like it. 

His family is advised that it's a reaction to trauma that will hopefully improve with time, counselling, and medication. Sometimes he hears them crying. He can't even tell them he'll be okay, because he doesn't believe it himself.

One day, he's alone for a few hours. His brother is popping in later, and his therapist has just left. He hates times like these, completely vulnerable, unable to stop the tears he hides from his family from falling thick and fast onto his pillow.

Just as he's settled down to sleep, there is a knock at the door, and he panics. He can't face whoever's on the other side, but strangely enough, his body seems to be moving for him. He's a marionette under the control of his instincts, as he searches out his keys and stumbles to answer. 

_Kimi Räikkönen_ is standing outside his house. He takes a moment to take in Seb's disheveled appearance; his wild-eyed, fearful expression, the barely visible tremor running through his body, the tears drying on his cheeks. 

"I know what you need," he says.

Instinctively, he believes it. Seb exhales, grabbing the doorframe to steady himself after the sudden exhaustion that floods him. He doesn't know how, or why, but Kimi is going to fix this. 


End file.
